Radio Silence

Probably plastic. Brown 1940's bakelite to be more specific, plastic wasn't invented yet. Actually if that contraption actually was built or designed by THE Nikola Tesla - of Serbian descent - then maybe Herbert actually did see into his past, or into all of our futures. Such was the genius of the Wizard of the West.

But most likely Herbert saw nothing. Heard nothing. Who knows if his name is even Herbert.

Hearing nothing back from the abyss is great if you're in a horror movie, pretty crappy if you're a salesman. Or looking for a date. I am the former. Though I have been known to seek out the latter when the opportunity arises.

I am, after all, human.

When I was a kid it was BMX. Sure I could get anxious about Christmas or the start of summer vacation as much as the next blond-haired scrawny scrapper, but what really knotted my stomach was BMX. BMX magazines, BMX parts, BMX movies.. you name it. Waiting for the new issue of BMX Action magazine, for example, or my first pair of Oakley F-1 grips (yes for you youngsters, Oakley was making ultra-cool bike grips long before their wrap-around mirrored glasses were donned by drug pushers on skinny bicycles), always tested my patience and wrecked my sleeping habits.

Waiting for girls? C'mon now - that's like waiting for Donald Trump to to learn manners - don't hold your breath.

What I mean was waiting to see girls. If there was a girl I'd met at summer camp, or a girl I that came with a friend to the beach - keep in mind this was before online stalking - that I wanted to see again or talk to, I had to wait. And wait. And waaaaait. FOR. EV. ER.

Of course sometimes they were waiting for me too. Found that out way after the fact. My apologies.

As an adult not many things cause that level of anxiety anymore, tax refunds notwithstanding.

The closest thing that has come to that level of waiting anxiety in a long time was waiting for my father's house to close escrow - more than three months in fact. Having 22 different people listed on the title to your house will do that.

Yes I'm serious. TWENTY TWO.

In the professional sales world it depends on which sales cycle you're employed in. A sales cycle is known as the time from the beginning of customer introduction through to completion of a sale. Real estate could be a few months or a couple years. A new ad campaign might take six months or more to get the board of directors to approve it. A car? As short as possible if they have they can help it.

Let's put you in this shiny new Buick today.

Buying an ice cream? A sales cycle of about 30 seconds. I'll take two Missile Pops please.

Is there anything you can do about it?

Sometimes.

You could call the customer,

- ad buyer

- old guy looking for the Buick,

- cute girl you met at The Dresden,

again.

And again.

And again.

"Hi Nikki? Uh this is Mike.."

But that rarely works.

Sorry Mikey, you're usually so money.

So what about when you've already done all you can and you still have to wait? You ask, you call, you email, and still nothing. Business or personal, silence can suck the wind out of your sales like a Jodie Foster sex scene.

But wait you say - you've never seen a Jodie Foster sex scene.

Bingo.

As a salesman, like a small number of other professions, it's a two way street kind of deal. A salesman without a customer is a telemarketer. A dancer without an audience is just practicing. A talented musician or painter without a show? That can be among the saddest things in all of life.

This dude would know.

So you've sent the emails, you've sold the hell out of yourself, you've posted on social media until your eyes have glazed over, you feel good, and still... nothing. You know the payoff is coming but why can't it just come already?!!

Maybe it's summer. Or the holidays. Or everyone's on hiatus. Or they're just watching the *$%@# World Cup.

1. Do nothing back. After all you're good at waiting - in fact by now you're a pro.

2. Keep going. Keep selling, keep pursuing, pretend they've already bought and just go. Full steam ahead. Name it and claim it.

3. Take a break. Tune in and drop out. Eat Pray Love. Or whatever turns your crank.

4. Retool. Take a self-imposed class on redefining yourself, your business, your habits, etc.. There are actually a few good books on this subject, and in my humble o. you don't need a complete shutdown to explore them.

5. Be productive in a completely different area. This is my favorite and the one that I think yields the best results, though I'm far from any kind of doctor.

You've been wanting to restore old furniture right? How hard can it be? Step one: Buy a piece of old furniture.

Wow look at how productive you've become.

Have you or someone you know ever wanted to do the following:

- Start a blog

- Take a Zumba class

- Learn French

- Re-read The Brothers Karamazov

- Eat more blueberries

- Explore California (esp. if you've lived here all your life)

Whatever obstacles or delays you've let cloud these and other dreams and goals wouldn't you agree it's been long enough? This is your life and the time is NOW.

Remember that thing you were waiting on? Neither do I.